There isn’t a real easy way to start out this kind of writing. I’ve written so many times about how unforgiving people in this world can really be. And I’ve come across people who I knew would screw me over eventually, if I ever were to have my back turned. I always had friends come in who would be quick to push me under a moving bus if it meant saving themselves. And I always knew people were horrible, cruel, and they weren’t easy to deal with. But I always had faith. I had faith because of God and because of the one friend in my life that always kept me afloat. She understood, and she pretended to like what I liked and at some point we both ended up having similar interests. We did everything together, for five years. We were inseperable, and people could point us out together in a crowd. High school is about finding who you are, realizing who your real friends are, and for discovering the meaning of a lot of different things. I spent four years just content with my life because I had one person that was rock solid. I never had a reason to doubt. I always felt the truth was there. Being friends with someone you think is true but ends up screwing you over: that has come to be the hardest thing I think I’ve ever dealt with. I’ve had family members die, family problems, almost been kicked out, been heart broken numerous times, screwed over more times to count. But nothing tops this. I had faith for so many years because I had someone who made me feel safe. That anybody else could come and go, but she would always stay. I had faith, and now it feels like i’ve been stabbed in the back. Like a part of me is missing, a part I’ve held on for so long that it feels as if I’ll never be whole again. And as dramatic as it sounds, I don’t care. I’m a human being, with a huge heart. And it’s been broken and stabbed and hurt so many times that I was so close to giving up on everything. But I always had someone to bring me back from the dead. I always had that one safe zone. I find out it’s all fake, that everything was a lie, I get pushed to the curb, and a part of me feels missing. And that’s the worst feeling a person could ever have. I thought for a long time I could keep being positive and have hope…..now I’m not so sure anymore. Everything now feels like I have to question it. Every relationship, friendship, person who comes into my life: I feel the need to question them. I don’t have trust, and for people like HER. It’s because of them: my ex, my ex friends, the people who broke my heart, who hurt me in the past, the people from school, the rumors, the hatred for no reason, etc. All of that has given me a high view. The wall I put up to prevent myself from getting hurt has really weighed me down. I wish I could fall asleep, dream of the beautiful things in life. Pretend I’m not surrounded by a cloud of evil and of regret. I want to pretend I’m not stuck in a world where people hurt each other, or stab their backs. I want to hurt someone, I want to close myself off. This is it. It took five years, a bunch of heart breaks, a bunch of lost friends, and all but ONE person made me change the way I look at this world. I’m finally done being nice.