In a sad twisted world in my head, I feel like God has abandoned all hope in me. All I’ve been getting is bad luck and anxiety hits. I don’t know if I’m being punished but I want to feel normal again. I want to remember my time before I became this person. But it’s so hard and far away. Now I’m cloudy and just sad.

I know I’ve known you forever. Since we were little. But I just cant be your friend when you’re friends with people who don’t like me and that I don’t like. I can’t do it no matter how much I try to make it seem okay. You chose them, now live with that choice and have a good life with people who screwed me and you over.

spidermxn:

Virgin shaming and slut shaming piss me off in equal amounts. There’s nothing magical or special about being a virgin, and same goes with having sex. You know what’s magical? Shutting the fuck up about people’s personal choices. 

So fucking true :-)

It’s honestly depressing how mean people are to each other for no reason. But it’s okay, cause bitch I’ll get back at you. And you’ll know it’s me that screwed your life up. Don’t ever take my friendship for granted. I’ll rip your happiness to shreds using your own insecurities that you’ll cry for days. :*

imthatfucking-king-angie:

19-o1:

Preeaaaachhhhhh

Nope nope nope nope nope nope no no no no no no no no


If my boyfriend told me this shit or even a guy im talking to, I’d end up on the news for murdering them both for even coming up with this bitch idea.

imthatfucking-king-angie:

19-o1:

Preeaaaachhhhhh

Nope nope nope nope nope nope no no no no no no no no

If my boyfriend told me this shit or even a guy im talking to, I’d end up on the news for murdering them both for even coming up with this bitch idea.

The moment my medication is the one thing I’m looking forward to at the end of the day is the moment I need to count down to my vacation.

ashhhlaaay:

I always have to sacrifice my happines, don’t I? There’s not an option for what I want. I have to sacrifice being happy to make someone else happy. So why do I feel selfish for feeling the way I do? I have no choice. It’s either do what I want and lose my relationship or do whatever he wants, be…

Everything.

Ive made my title as such only because I feel like I’ve gotten so little out of everything I’ve done. I’ve given myself such easy goals and completed them with little enthusiasm or appreciation of life. I feel broken still. And I have no one to share it with. There’s no one who understands my broken heart or broken mind. I feel like I’ll never get out of this. I don’t know how to explain to people that my mind is ticking away slowly. I can’t tell anyone because there isn’t a soul left who understands what my heart feels. It’s causing me to sink deeper and deeper into myself. And I have no idea how to get out. Lord knows, I’ve kept my enthusiasm at a high point to make myself seem approachable. Even by people who are supposed to love and adore me no matter the bad times. But it feels so tiring pretending I’m happy when in fact I’m not. All I want is to feel normal. Like there’s a reason to what’s going on around me. I feel useless when I’m alone. And its beginning to feel tortourous when I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t know why I cant get myself out of this. I don’t know why I can’t just escape my own mind. But the storm is getting worse and my heart is sinking along with it. And I can’t imagine a soul on this world that will be more tortured to see me this way than my love. But I can’t pretend I’m happy when I’m not. It feels like I’m faking my own happiness. And I don’t want to do that anymore. Why cant this be easier? Why isn’t there someone who wants to hear me instead of just telling me it’ll be fine or don’t feel that way? What can I do to finally feel normal? I can’t seem to find the answer. And the only one who knows what’s happening is me. And I cant even begin to explain….

Black hole.

I’ve been letting myself sink into a deep black hole for a while now. I’ve let myself go down deeper and deeper without thinking of the consequences. I’ve let my mind go on its own. I didn’t grab the reigns and remind myself I’m in control. I’ve been losing control of the very thing I’ve always told myself I control: my happiness. And the moment I forgot that, I let things get out of hand. Ive let relationships sink, I’ve let things go, I’ve forgotten who I am. It’s not fair to myself or to those around me who love me. It took me this point where I’m sitting waiting to go into work, realizing just how much I am blessed in this life. I’ve let my own black uncontrollable hole give me a false advertisement of what my life is and can be. I’ve forgotten the true blessings of what being alive meant. I’ve taken advantage of the love people have for me. It’s gotten me to a low point right now. And I couldn’t feel worse about it. But I think I can overcome this. Scratch that. I know I can. My dad didn’t raise a weakling who can’t get this on her own. I forget how much of a Leo I really am. And how strong I can be. I’ve lost more in this life besides just my psyche. I’ve lost things that were dear to me that should have killed me at such a young age. But it didn’t. And I know this won’t kill me. I’ll pull myself out of this whether it kills me to do so. I will make sure my head comes back to the light. I was doing so good. Where I went wrong, I couldn’t tell you. But I won’t keep going down that road. I will keep myself afloat. For my sake and for my loved ones sake. But mostly, for the people I’ve made unhappy allowing myself to sink while they have latched themselves on to save them and myself. I’m sorry. I’ll do better for you.

The blade.

What an odd title to choose. I didnt exactly think of that too long. It’s just a title of an object which brought me pain and joy in such an easy yet difficult ten minutes. I used to take a thrill off feeling the stinging and knowing a secret arose from inside the scarlet stained skin that plagued me. I had a senseless emotion with the well kept secret. I always thought i was an attention seeker. Until i realized attention for such a scandal was no attention whatsoever. It was a death wish. Blank stares, crimson looks, guilt ridden hearts. It comes with the audience. You stand up, attempting to cute yourself and the crowd of the odd ill feeling that something died a very long time ago. But you can’t. And they can’t. Because the stench of a horrible dead corpse that couldn’t be far from my beating chest was beginning to make you tear up like gas flooding you out of a burning building. I was a rotting corpse awaiting judgement and flies. I always hated flies. I envied how easily they could leap from scene to scene and never once catch as much attention as the rest of us. We’re all under a spotlight, a microscope. Trying to mend our lives or fix a broken glass or even going forward. But it’s so difficult when you constantly see yourself as public enemy number one and knowing there’s someone out there who hates you but you want to scream how no one in this world hates you as much as you hate yourself. How sickened you get from just looking at yourself and how anxious you feel to be anywhere but in front of a mirror having to face the part of you that has begun to rot. It’s so easy being you when you don’t have to worry who’s looking at you. Without having to see if you’re doing something wrong and make sure everyone approves. It’s so easy being perfect when no one expects you to be. But the moment the red flag comes up and you have to perform where someone else wants you to be, you’ll crack. And it won’t be small cracks. You’ll feel the force of a flood when the prison gates open and the water rushes forward greeting you like an old friend. I feel those waves drown me every night. And i try so very hard to keep my head above water. But sometimes there’s not a soul out to help you. You had to fend for yourself. Moral of the story is that when you feel like no one is there, you’re right. You are very alone in this life. And it’s going to be an eye opener when you realize that. No one can help you out of the ocean but yourself.